Ok here's my story I'm maya a 14 yearold. My biological mom died when she was 23 and I was 6 months old. I don't have a father and I will never wanna know who he is because even though he doesn't know about meand dosent knoe I exist I don't care. I live with my grandma and sometimes I go live with my aunt who was my biological moms girlsfriend and I call my grandma mom. Growing up my mom(grandma) was never there she only worked and I was always the last kid in school and to leeve and tossed around from babysitter to babysitter. Then she retired and had me in cheerleading, I started cheerleading at 6 and I loved it and I was a star on the rise then when I was 9 I started feeling ugly(mainly because I'm black) but I'm lightskinned and I always felt ugky with my bushyeyebrows and nappy hair and I was too skinny.also I started having mental blocks like in cheer when I tumbled I started freeacking out and not tumbling and getting the teem introuble and my new coaches were so meen they talked **** about me and made me feel like I couldn't do anything and this was till I was 11 and I fwlt broken and my confidence went knowwhere. I cried everyday cuz I felt ugly and low confidence and I wanted to kill muself. Then I started actingout..peaple thot I looked older then what I did and wen I was 11 I looked 14 and oldermen started likeing me and so I started dressing slutty and getting old guys numbers and fooling around and going on internet to chatrooms and I took pictures of me and sent them. I then wanted to quit cheer but my grandma loved it way more then me and said stuff like I wish you weren't my child and I wish I could switch you with someone who wants everything you have(my family kinda spoils me) and she said stuff like I'm a bad cheerleader and she's always cry when I didn't sdo something rite. Amd then I transferd to a new cheer team and then everyone was prettier than me and I felt more ugly. I thot I had frrends but then rumors went around that I didn't wear bloomers under my shorts an dmy *** hungout alil and lil girls 7 to 9 stuck uop for me wow thts sad lil girls yelling at 13 to 18 yearolds abiut how I'm a nice girl and to stop talkin ****. Then I started dating more older men and practly whoring myself around and rumors weent to my cheer gym. And I met a man who is my fiance wen I turn 20 I'm gnna marry hi/a dne we became inlove and I'm not gnna say his age cuz I know peeple won't agree. So now I'm. 14 and still with the love of my life and he's like a father figure and bf to me. And on my new cheer team I always disspaoint my coaches and 1 day I'm doing great then next I'm a bad cheerleader on the team and idk what's wrong with me, tonight I didn't throe my tumble pass and my coach got pissed off and he told the team to leev and the girls were pissedand I feel like a failure as ususal. This Sunday is the lastcompetiion and I hav 2 practices left and I dnt wanna go..ytonight I. Was so close to killing myself again and when I was younger I wanted to kill myself. Now my mom understands on how I feel and she's worried. I dnt know what to do.Im suicidle and i dnt know wat to do..im a teen lost?
Pray and ask the Lord. You will get through this and it will make you stronger, just hang in there. You will find beatitude ;)Im suicidle and i dnt know wat to do..im a teen lost?
Well, first off...don't kill yourself.
Life can get rough, but it won't stay that way. Good times are right around the corner, you just make sure you survive long enough to see them.
Secondly, be wary of your ';fiance.';
I just turned 20 years old, last friday so I'm just a week pass my teenage years. And as an older girl who's ';been around the block'; a few times, i have to tell you ';Any grown man that would have sexual relations with someone your age, can't be up to any good.';
That's as bad as a 16 year old doing ';nasty'; things to a toddler. Does that seem ok to you? I think he's taking advantage of you. From what you were saying, i think you may feel emotionally vulnerable and you're trying to feel the void that was left in place of your parents. because of that, you may find yourself taking affection from any where it is offered, and that can be a very dangerous thing...
Trust me, i've been there. There are people in the world who don't mean you any good. They'll see your need for affection, and use it to their advantage so they can fulfill their own lusts.
You have to love yourself.
You're just as beautiful, valuable, and have just as bright a future as anyone else. Don't let anyone, dim your light. You have a future, so don't let it be overrun by your past. And don't let anyone take advantage of you. I really think you should tell someone you trust about your whole ';fiance'; situation. If only for a second opinion. They may notice some things that you have not.
I reccomend that you try going to church. I know everyone makes it seem like such a boring thing to do, but it a good way to find people to support you. If what you really want a father figure you'll definitely be able to get one there. And they will genuinely care about you. They won't demand anything in return for their kindness. Just talk to the pastor there and ask for help, or just for a moment to talk about your situation.
Join the youth ministry or something, you'll make more friends that way too.
Also, you seem to have a lot of issues on your mind so i suggest that you pray about it. Whatever problems you have, God will pull you through it. From personal experience, i can honestly say that God is real. I used to be suicidal when i was in junior high, and praying helped me to get through it.
talk things over with God. You don't have to say anything fancy. just talk to him.
1.Address him first, ';God';.
2.Tell him what you want to tell him.(or ask him)
3. And when you're done, finish it by saying ';In Jesus' name. Amen.';
And be patient. God loves you. He'll make a way, even when your situation seems impossible
I would suggest reading the Bible and attending church. It's a very friendly place, where you won't be judged. And your not ugly, ain't it obvious everyone expects a lot from you? (Have high expectations for you). I think you cheer team is jealous, but you shouldn't care what people think about you.
Maybe you could benefit from therapy
Jesus loves you, ask him to help you!
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